Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
