Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
