My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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