Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
