I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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