Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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