As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
