id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
