Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
