What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
