No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
