We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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