this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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