I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
