hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
