these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
