I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
porn star boner night. come get it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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