I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
