Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
