can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
