i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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