if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
