somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize