I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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