Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
