I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
