I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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