There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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