Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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