Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
