Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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