I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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