Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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