dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
