You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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