I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
