You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
