I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
