he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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