There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
God, I missed his penis.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
