She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
