I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
