I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
