In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can't motorboat a personality
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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