he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
