I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
