Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
