I wish my penis had an off switch
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
