And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
