If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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