There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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