Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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