I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
