Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
