My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
