so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You need Xanax blowdarts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
