I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize