I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you would pick up someone in the library
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
