Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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