When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize