Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
