I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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