I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize