he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize