no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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