I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
