What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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