Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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