youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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