so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
