Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
