sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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