Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
