awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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